A year laterÖ

It is now September 8th, a year ago today our family, Kenny, Kristin, Tyler, and I were all together.  It seems like yesterday.  We went for a visit that weekend with his parents Pat and Mary Ann and his sister Lynda.  It was one of those weekends that  was relaxing, we went for a walk on the boardwalk at Kennyís favorite beach - where Kenny and I met - Long Beach, NY.  Kenny, his father Pat and Kristin and Tyler went to play by the oceanís edge.  I stayed on the boardwalk with his Mary Ann and Lynda.  I then realized that I needed some family pictures for Kristinís nursery school the coming week.  I went down to join them, and we were able to get those lasting pictures of us as a family.  My final shot was of Kenny walking away from us on the boardwalk holding Tylerís hand.  I turned to Mary Ann and said something to the effect í that is one of those pictures you never forgetí.

We then went to a festival in Island Park, Kenny ran off to buy ride tickets for Kristin and Tyler, his last $13. in his pocket.  He was so happy just watching his children have fun.  When we left his family that Sunday we both said what a nice weekend we had.

Now as September 11th approaches, I almost dare not go there in my mind, and I think I wonít.  But I will say that over the past year, one that seems like a blink away - yet also a lifetime is all so surreal.  So final.  It has taken me nearly the whole year to truly realize the fact that Kenny isnít coming home.  I want to call him at work and chat about the children and the funny things that they did, I want him to walk in the door and watch as the children run to kiss him, I want to have my hugs back, my security, and his strength.  It all seems so unfair for us all.  Especially Kenny who will miss out on life. 

As I look over the past year, and think of all of the things we did, said, and thought - it is overwhelming.  I have fit more in this year than in the past 5 years.  For me keeping busy means I donít have to think so hard at the emptiness left in our heart and home.  I know he is with us guiding us, I still talk to him in my mind, Kristin says that daddy comes down and kisses her at night.  She says daddy is in our hearts.  And he is.

I hope America can heal in positive ways, we are trying to.  I know it will take time, strength and hope.  I feel we have all come together as one nation, and this has strengthened us and reminded us of our true American Spirit.

We have a long road to travel, this is going to be a life changing journey, one I never thought we would have to make.  We are lucky to have such a wonderful support system.  Family, friends and the nation have all shown such kindness.   I know we will not be alone in this journey.  Thank you all.

                                                                                    Photo by G.N. Miller (NY Post)